The Ramadan Diaries

July 22, 8:05 am

Today is the second day of Ramadan and the first day of my personal fast.  We were in Kedougou during the day yesterday, and there was a big catholic soiree last night, so it seemed fine to push it back.  After going to bed at 1:15, my alarm went off at 4:40 to go to sukurro (pre-dawn breakfast) at the Cissokho’s.  When we got there, only Sadio and Ibrahima [our parents and namesakes] were up.  One by one, the others got up, mostly the younger guys who live with our family—only one of our actual siblings, and we’re told that the number will most likely wane as the month goes on.   We drank crazy-sugary kenkiliba and mayo sandwich.  I have to say I was hoping for something with more substance—we may need to do pre-dawn meal supplementation back at the hut.  I think that if throughout the month I give up on any of this, it will be the water (which is then a slippery slope to coffee).  Making nice breakfasts and French press coffee has become a cherished ritual in our hut-hold, which I will definitely miss.  I feel like I’ll be needing coffee today.   I never fell asleep after Sukurro.  But instead of focusing on the things that would be the best to cheat on, let’s examine the why of all this.  According to the reading I did yesterday, the month of Ramadan is one of the five pillars of Islam, and Muslims are instructed to fast in order to master bodily desires and to be more submissive to God than their bodily needs. 

Not being a Muslim, then why am I doing this?  To better understand the lives of my community members.  As a part of my constant battle to prove myself here—mostly in terms of strength.  I do want to tap into the spiritual side of it too, as fasting can be a Christian practice as well.  Also, the fast is supposed to teach empathy for those who are hungry and thirsty.  Interesting then, that those who I’m fasting with, if not hungry, are often malnourished.  

It is my goal to journal regularly through this period and observe changes in bodily desires and mindsets and motivations, along with the cultural changes that are sure to occur this month. Changes in the structure of days will be interesting to observe without lunch to pland around.  Will I just start getting up at 5?  I hope I’ll be able to start going back to sleep, but maybe this can be an experiment in becoming a morning person as well. It’s 8:38 and my stomach just rumbled. 

July 23, 10 am

Well I did it.   A full day of fasting for realsies—no food, water coffee during the daylight (or, according to Moussa, during the time of the day when you can see the hair on your arm).  The worst for thirst was right at the beginning—maybe because I was journaling about it.  I got pretty hungry about traditional lunchtime—I think that aspect will get easier with time as my body adjusts.  I didn’t get to take a nap like I was hoping—we waited for eight hours at the hospital to meet with Dr. Ndiaye, so I didn’t want to leave and end up missing the meeting.  By the time we actually met (around 6:15), I could hardly pay attention.  I felt so weak and weary.  Doing my first day of fasting on three hours of sleep was a bit too hard core for my taste.  When we went to break fast, I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so fortified by a single bite of food as I did by that first bite of mono [corn flour and bissap porridge]. 

So one day in, this is what I have decided:  yesterday was my day of complete solidarity.  I will continue to fast in terms of food, but the water thing is just unhealthy.  We’ll see what the difference is today, but I conjectury that it will still very much be an exercise in self-discipline, but that I will feel more healthy.  Plus, the fact that the Malinkes are notoriously unreligious as an ethnic group and that half the people I talked to yesterday weren’t fasting (some for that day and some for the whole month), it makes me less motivated to be really hard core and sacrifice health for cultural integration purposes.  I think I’ll keep my water drinking private, though.  I mentioned the idea to Diakhumba and got a “wo me kee” (that is not done).  It should be noted that she was not fasting yesterday. 

July 23, 2 pm

Just got my gold star.  Now I feel totally justified drinking water—people who are sick are exempted from fasting.  Man, what an undignified thing pooping your pants is.

July 24, 3:15 pm

Day 3 and I’m already not fasting.  Actually, I kind of am because I have no appetite.   Sadio actually told me not to fast when she felt how hot my hands were last night. 

July 25, 10:00 pm

This was supposed to be the Ramadan Diaries, but it seems to be turning into a chronicle of this sickest state I’ve experience yet in Senegal…maybe in life?  You know you’re in Africa during rainy season when everyone assumes you have malaria.  All this energy trying to control my diarrhea has led me to reflect on Ramadan and the controlling of the body’s urges.  Boy do I wish I could tame the urge that makes me sprint to the bathroom.  Why can we control what goes in and not what comes out?

July 26, 5:08 pm

Back to fasting today, still trying to make sure I’m getting fluids.  I’m feeling so much better stomach-wise that I hardly notice the hunger.  Sleep is the real issue.  Since Ramadan started, I haven’t been able to find a good rhythm.  I would love to just got to bed early and cultivate the habit of getting up early, something I’ve always wanted to do.  However with breaking fast occurring at 7:30, dinner gets pushed back until way later, so that doesn’t seem to be working out.

August 1, 6:57 pm

Looking back at my last entry, I have to shake my head.  I fasted for two days before my first bike trip (50 km to Misira Dantila for the launch of Ian’s exciting program working on the early detection and treatment of malaria in the home).  I may never know whether throwing up on the side of the road 20 k in was due to fasting while sick or the fact that my brake pad had been pressing on the wheel the whole time.  It made me wish I had more nutrients in me none the less.  I have diarrhea again today, so I didn’t fast.  However, I have discovered that, even if I don’t fast, the rhythm of the days with no set lunch to break them up is so different that it almost feels like I’m fasting, and I often do eat less.  When I do eat, I’m always a little unclear on the appropriateness of doing it in front of people.  The kids and Catholics do.  On days when I do fast, I still try to hide my water bottle, because people don’t seem to accept that abstaining of food alone can be fasting.  I eventually just have to say, “I’m not Muslim, I’m just doing this for solidarity, so I get to make up my own rules.”  People just laugh at me, but they laugh at me no matter what I do, so whatever.  The hospital staff, who are as a whole much more religious, also are much more accepting of this compromise.  It makes me wonder about the role of education in accepting shades of grey.  

August 4

These days I’ve been finding myself feeling a bit resentful towards Ramadan.  I feel like I have no control over my life lately.  This is a combination of spending an incredible amount of time working on the mercury project while Chris [Peace Corps Response volunteer] is still here, lack of sleep from weird meal schedules and brain unable to turn off to take a nap, and being constantly sick.  But it has all happened during Ramadan, so even though I’ve only fasted for less than a third of the time, I have been eagerly watching the phases of the moon, longing for the normalcy that Pat and I had managed to create.  Resentful is not how I want to feel during this month, so I’m going to try to get over it.  But what do I want to feel?  Empowered?  Closer to the community?  Closer to God?  I feel none of these things as a result of Ramadan.

August 5

Conversation I had today:

Sidibe [Saraya’s  tailor]: Sadio, are you fasting today?

Me: Yes.

Sidibe: Really fasting?

Me: Well I’m not eating, but I am drinking water.

Sidibe: You can’t do that.

Me: I’m not Muslim, so I’m just doing this

Sidibe: For accompaniment?

Me: Exactly.  So when I drink water, it’s alone in my room and not in front of people who might be thirsty.

Sambali [rapping teenager who lives in my family’s compound]: God is there.  He sees everything. 

Me: I know God is there.  I’m not hiding it or pretending like I’m not drinking water.  It’s just to avoid making others feel thirst.

Sambali shakes his finger at me.

This evening I finally had some free time around the time that Jabu makes mono, so I sat with her to help her/learn the art of making the corn flour into little balls of equal size.  She mostly wouldn’t let me touch anything and then laughed really hard when I finally did get to try.  She called out to Diounkounda that I was just playing with the flour.

Jabu showing me how it's done.

August 10

My favorite people watching during Ramadan has been the kids, Saxoba and Khalifa in particular.  This is Saxoba’s first year of fasting, and he is so proud to be a part of it.  He has fasted all days but two—only a few people in the family are ahead of him.  The first morning in particular, he was practically glowing.  Pat has said that Sukurro reminds him of pre-dawn breakfasts on hunting trips, and I imagine it’s a similar feeling for a kid who gets to be included for the first time.  Khalifa, on the other hand, is much too young to fast, and he cries every night about not being among the first to drink mono due to his non-fasting status.  Recently, he has put it together that the group that prays together around 7:15 are the same group that gets first dibs on mono (plus the toubabs regardless of whether we fasted).  He has thus started praying and inserting himself around the bowl.  I’ve never seen anyone do ablutions with such vigor.  So cute.

August 11

Today I got mad at Pat for eating jerky right by my face at about 6:30—less than an hour before breaking fast.  He had apparently decided to break fast on his own in order to avoid gorging on mono.  I don’t have this issue because I’m not crazy about mono. So I was holding out and got really annoyed.  I’m fine with the two of us  carrying out our fasting practices differently, but this made me realize that I’m more in this for the experience of starting the day and then breaking the fast with the family, and less about the experiences in between.  But what’s the point of not eating all day if you don’t break the fast with the Malinkes?  Nothing, in my view.  But then, I’m really not entirely with them since I sit to the side while they pray.  The other day, a guy came to the compound and kind of chewed me out about eating with a spoon (which our family insists upon) and wearing pants.  I was really sensitive that day and wanted to yell “I’m not trying to be Malinke!  I am living here but that doesn’t change who I am”.  Same with fasting I guess.  I’m accompanying, not trying to be Muslim.  Interestingly, this guy didn’t care at all that I wasn’t fasting, just that I wasn’t eating with my hand.

August 17

Last day of Ramadan eve…maybe.  Hoping for clear skies tomorrow night to bring an end to this month that I have not come to cherish or appreciate.  We fasted again today after nearly a week of traveling/giardia.  I never fasted for enough days in a row to get my body into the habit.  We had to take on the jungle that has sprung out of our backyard today, so we got our first taste of what it’s like for everyone who goes to the fields during Ramadan.  Today was the hardest since the first day when we didn’t drink water.  At this point, I think pretty much everyone is over Ramadan.  I was told by several people that the fasting months has ended.

August 18

Today I had planned to do the real-deal fasting, but we were asked to help dig holes to plant trees at the new hospital, and it just didn’t seem like a good idea.  So I had my one day, plus 11 more of fasting from food.  I woke up with a bout of diarrhea.  I guess my stomach wanted to add some continuity, to tie a bow on the Ramadan experience.  I ended up fasting anyway, which I’m glad about, since it greatly added to the anticipation of the moonsiting that would bring Korite.  It was only Sadio, Ibrahima and I for sucurro.  Sadio is so hardcore—she works in the fields every day, plus I’m pretty sure she has malaria.  When evening rolled around, you could feel the energy.  People were storming the boutiques with last minute korite preparations (mostly women seeking to beautify).  I went to buy rubber bands to get my hair braided and practically got trampled.  When we were heading out for dinner, our neighbors told us that the moon had not been seen.  Another day of fasting.  We, especially Pat, were so disappointed.  I tried to imagine what it would be like if you didn’t know until the night before when Christmas would be.  Plus the potential of another day of hardship!  Just another way of submitting to God and the unknown.  Inshallah.  When we arrived, Ibrahima announced that the moon had in fact been seen.  On the radio, they announced that the sighting had happened in Toubacouta.  “Saraya be salila sinin,” proclaimed the DJ.  It’s interesting that this means both that Saraya will be celebrating Korite and that Saraya will be praying.  I’m not sure what to expect!

August 19

Pat and I woke up and had a giant breakfast to celebrate the end of Ramadan.  Then I headed over to Cissokhos to get my head done, as the Malinkes express it.  I was offered tea by a guest who said he wasn’t fasting today.  I said “Well no one is today!”  Well…apparently late last night, the prefect announced that Korite would be held Monday, despite the moon sighting in Toubacouta.  I only talked to two people who actually fasted.  Everyone was pretty grumbly about the government step in instead of the religious leaders making the decision.  So instead of celebrating, I took Kharifa and Sadio to get tested for malaria (both positive—this makes five in our family just this rainy season).  Then Diounkounda did my hair.  I feel like I look like a six year old, but the people of Saraya are loving it.  At night, there was a bolder energy of excitement.  Korite was for sure coming.  I still didn’t see the moon.

Diounkounda hard at work

Samuro has fancy hair too!

Alamuta and and Kounadi also got their hair done, but they only got yarn hair extensions.  I'm not sure who decided which kids got the Korite fanciest stuff...it doesn't seem like an equal distribution within the family.

August 20

Korite just might have made Ramadan worth it.  It turns out that in addition to celebrating the end of Ramadan, in Malinke culture Korite is a day for blessing and forgiveness.  People go around and greet each other in their best clothes, pouring out blessings for family, health, wealth, the day of Korite in general, and asking pardon for any offenses, known or unknown.  It’s really beautiful (both aesthetically with the billowing boubous as well as spiritually).  I found tha the spiritual understanding that I was disappointed not to gain during Ramadan emerged today.  I guess it’s not surprising for me to find more of a connection in a day celebrating communion with God and neighbor than in a month of physical deprivation.  Most of the blessings thrown our way were for us to have a baby, of course.  We split the day between the family and the hospital.  The lunches were about three hours apart, so it worked out really well.  Pat listed the hospital’s mutton feast as one of the top 10 meals of his life, which doesn’t seem too off-base, considering the nutritional deficiencies of the last month (slash five months).  Before today, I was thinking about how we could plan our trip home next year to avoid Ramadan, but now I’m not so sure.

By the end of Korite, Sadio was feeling well enough to stand up and take a namesake picture with my fancy hair and I.